I love this time of year at the lake. Leaves falling, changing colors. Too cold for water skiing or wake boarding but perfect for building a fire, reading books and sitting outside.
I'm driving to Wimberely tomorrow to visit my Mom and help her get the house ready for the holidays. It's been difficult to spend much time at my parents house since my Dad passed away. So many good memories, yet the last days so difficult.
I remember waking up early one morning while we were visiting during our last Christmas together. He was drinking coffee--sitting quietly at the kitchen table--the ever present smile and sparkle in his eyes. I poured a cup of coffee and as I walked over to the table we looked at one another and in that quiet exchange, we both were keenly aware that he was dying. I walked over to him, held him tight and as we cried, we said all of the words that needed to be said. Not a litany, just very simple and meaningful words that will always remain.
I am so blessed to have had this moment with him but, it is this same moment that has made it difficult for me to spend much time at my parents house. It has been easier to have my Mom visit us at the lake house or in Houston.
I have often wondered over the last four years if it's time that makes it seem like so many of the memories fade or if the pain of the loss is so great that the only way to cope with it is to avoid it.
I am trusting that some of the answers will start to unveil themselves as I set off on the road to my parents house tomorrow. It is a pretty Autumnal drive afterall...
